On December 10th, 2014, I got an unexpected call. I remember receiving this call so clearly in my mind because I had just finished a workout at the University of Arizona rec center and I was wondering why the hell I was getting a call for a Pennsylvania phone number. I picked up the phone and sure enough the call was for me. The person on the phone (Penn State HDFS’ Professor in charge) exclaimed “you have been admitted to Penn State HDFS!!!”. I remember being calm, collected, and honestly not excited because I was very confused! I only applied to Penn State because it was an outreach school for two reasons. One, I did not expect to get in because it was the #1 program in the nation and #2 why the hell would this Arizona girl move across the country to Pennsylvania? But today I am reminiscing on this phone call because it triggered a series of events that I call the beauty of life giving me countless opportunities to grow into my authentic self! Literally, this phone call taught me to honestly NEVER SAY NEVER! What is the point of me reminiscing and sharing this life altering phone call with you? Well, I know for many individuals PhD program applications were most likely submitted, or you may be applying to masters’ programs, or even better yet you are on the job market. There is a lot up in the air for many folks, you submitted or will submit all those applications to schools you want to attend or submitting those CVs to potential employers and it is scary to think that someone is going to read through your applications to decide what direction your future will take you. You may be thinking about the program or job you would really really want because you think it is the best for you, but I am here to tell you to throw that out the window. You may think you have this figured out, but you should trust in the flow of life a little more. Sure it is nice to feel like you have everything under control, but there is something so magical of letting life do its thing. I challenge you all in this position to be open to the unexpected. Be open to that school or location you thought you could never go to for whatever reason. Be open to that school you never thought you could get into or that job you thought you were not qualified for because it may be your greatest adventure. A whole new world could open up for you by listening to your gut feeling about where your next adventure should be no matter how crazy it may sound to everyone else. As long as it “feels” right to you, nothing else matters. I can attest that some of the best decisions I made were not what made the most logical sense, but instead what didn't make any at all sense, but felt SO RIGHT. Take for instance, this Penn State call. I didn’t think I could get in but CLEARLY the admissions committee saw something in me that I myself did not even see. They saw the potential and the growth I could gain by being a part of their program. I honestly was blind to all of this because I was fixated in staying in my comfort zone. All I could think about was not leaving the southwest because it was home and it was all I had ever known. I could not picture myself somewhere I had never been or did not know anyone. When I should have been focusing on what experience or program was going to push me out of my comfort zone, which one was going to push me to grow, which one was going to help me be the best version of myself. This is what I recommend you think about as you are applying and when all those offers come rolling because they will! Keep your faith! As I look back on 6 years, having completed my PhD at Penn State where I thought I could never attend. I would like to admit it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I am so GRATEFUL I took the dive because I learned some of the best life lessons that I could have never learned otherwise. I probably learned more about life than about research. Okay I learned about research and adolescence, but it is the life lessons that will carry me through my career and LIFE! #1- Being comfortable with the uncomfortable. I literally picked up my entire life and moved to an itty bitty town called State College, where I did not know a single soul. This experience taught me to learn how to be adaptable. In life we will be faced with many challenges, and the sooner you learn to be uncomfortable, but pushing yourself like I did by making this move to Penn State, the faster you will learn to overcome the true challenges life will throw at you (because it will, when you least expect it). These experiences will make you much more adaptable and flexible. You will thank yourself! #2- Prioritizing the things that matter most to you. I came to Penn State not knowing anyone or anything, but this challenged me to put myself out there and to keep up with the things that meant the most to me. I remember making a promise to myself that I would never let graduate school get in between me and family or my goal to meet the person I would marry one day. No matter how busy graduate school ever got I always traveled back to Arizona at least 4 times a year and always made it a point to not work when I was visiting my family because that time with them was sacred. I also vowed to never allow the hustle and bustle of graduate school to shut down my romantic life. I went through a rough break up early in graduate school, then dated an array of State College men, and somehow then stumbled upon the man who is now my husband. Crazy how if I had not gone to Penn State I may have met my husband! #3-The best lessons in graduate school are not the ones you learn in the classroom. Looking back on my time in graduate school the best lessons were the ones I learned outside the classroom. Many research skills were gained by troubleshooting in the lab with lab mates or with older graduate students in my program that would help grasp how to do research. I learned all about setting boundaries with people through the diverse faculty relationships I had to navigate in graduate school. I learned the importance of friendships and community through being vulnerable in my worst grad school moments with the peers that now I call life sisters. I learned the importance of surrounding yourself with life sisters who will hold you when you down, and will tell “YASS YOU QUEEN” when you have achieved something great. These are the lessons I will carry with me into the future. Finally… #4 The best gift you can ever give yourself.. Is the gift of being your authentic self. Grad school made me so uncomfortable with myself that it pushed me to go within myself and be who I really am. Prior to grad school, I was the goody two shoes that would always do what her parents told her to do and would follow the crowd and all the rules. The first step in breaking this trend for me was doing what no “good” Mexican daughter would do, move across the country away from her parents. After this big decision, grad school also pushed me into a corner multiple times during the 5 years I was there. These “cornerings” helped me break through to find my true self and do things that relit that fire within my soul. This led me to question what I really wanted to do with my PhD, which led me to interning in the U.S. Department of Education, which led me to the biggest awakening of my life... committing to a career outside of academia. It was hard to go against the grain, but this is probably the happiest I have ever been. Even on days that aren’t so fun, I am grateful for where I am now. This experience of not doing as expected of me taught me that the only person I have to make proud and happy is myself. I am the one that has to walk these shoes, so I better make it worth the ride and pursue those paths that allow me to be my authentic self. Before I close out, I want you to know that: You are amazing! I SEE YOU, KEEP IT UP ALL YOUR HARD WORK! You are brilliant! I AM SO PROUD OF YOUR HARD WORK!! And if no one has told you, you ARE WORTHY of all the great things that are coming your way. Do not let anyone hold you back! Love, Lorena Comments are closed.
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AuthorDr. Lorena Aceves unapologetically telling you the real deal about being brown in an academic world, but deciding she is going to be her authentic self and make her wildest dreams come true en esta vida! Archives
November 2022
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