How fitting that it is November, we were all anxious (hopefully you all have some relief as have I), and grad school application season is right around the corner! In this post, I wanted to focus on how grateful I am for community. Community is such an important part of who we are as human beings, but most importantly to our daily well-being. Yes, there are a lot of things you will achieve independently, by your own doing, and strength, but we all know that the community that stands around and behind us is what keeps us going when we are ready to throw in the towel! I mean just look at how communities came together and through for this election! We bonded with each other and held each other accountable to get the outcomes we wanted! Let’s dive in. I think talking about community, which includes friendships, relationships, mentors, loved ones, family, non-blood family etc. is critical especially in the month of gratefulness, but especially as many students begin to apply for grad programs and embark on the journey to choose where they want to pursue their graduate degree. I cannot even begin to tell you how important my community, my tribe has been in pulling me up from the countless times I thought I would not finish my PhD. The reality is that we all have these moments and it is important to acknowledge that we are the ones doing all the legwork to get ourselves up, but sometimes that spark that helps us pick up on days when nothing seems doable or impossible is usually a friend, a mentor, a mom, or sibling telling us that they believe in us! I cannot even begin to tell you how important my mentors, friends, and community at Penn State were for me surviving grad school. I am going to share with you my most recent challenge. Unlike many students, I was struck with proposing my dissertation TWICE! Yes, TWICE. In that moment, when I heard the words you need to “redo X Y Z, and add X YZ” crushed me. I was so close to finishing my degree, but YET not even close at all. I felt devastated. I even cried in front of my committee because like what do you even do in that moment. Since, I am mentioning strong emotions, I think that if you have strong emotions (even if for some it may not seem professional) if you need to emote just do it. I am naturally a feeler, so at that moment I did not even think about what would happen if I started crying in front of the committee. I just let the tears roll. I remember that meeting so clearly, because I didn’t know what to expect next. I could not stop the tears from rolling down and of course my mind started playing games with me trying to convince me that I was a fraud, that I was not good enough, and even that maybe I should not finish my degree. But guess what, who was there to pick me up… my husband, my lab sisters, and my roommate. They took me home, let me process all the tears, and reminded me it was okay to step away before I figure out my comeback. They also reminded me how loved and admired I am even if my proposal did not go as planned. And I think that’s when I realized even more than ever how critical my community was to me! Your community should contain people who love you for who you are (not your degree or skills) and people who lift you up, especially when you are at your lowest. I think when students are considering graduate programs, it is also important to ask yourself, will I be able to build a community for myself here? I will be quite honest, I did not ask myself this question and in my first year constantly questioned if I made the right decision to go to Penn State. But you know what I DID DO, everytime I could, I was vulnerable and tried to connect with people. This led me to my awesome grad school roommate and now forever friend that I have and the additional friendships and life sisters, who I know will share in all of my life milestones! I also had to be proactive in building community because I was also my adviser’s first student. I was not lucky enough to start grad school with the wonderful community that can come from a wonderful lab team, but this gave me the awesome opportunity to build community for those that would come after me. And sure enough I was integral into recruiting more students to the lab, and guess what these new students have become not just my lab mates, but my lab sisters. To this day, even though I have moved into my professional role, my lab sisters are there for me and I am there for them. We continue to support each other in grad school milestones or the milestones I am undergoing in my new role. Shout out to my lab sisters Griselda and Jasmin, who I love with all my heart. I am glad I took the opportunity to create a lab environment that made you all willing to come pursue this graduate journey with me. That being said, when looking into programs pay close attention to the opportunities for community, particularly the lab team you will be working with. If your potential adviser does not have students make sure you are up to the challenge of building that community! In my experience, it was probably one of the most rewarding experiences because I gained lovely friendships and countless skills in building relationships and teamwork!
Building community also extends beyond your lab to other faculty in your program who may not be your primary adviser, but could potentially be a mentor for you. And also to the staff who work in your program, the people in your diversity inclusion office, and beyond. It is important to see the value of having a community behind and around you because your community will contain the people with who you can just be your raw self especially in those moments when you feel like a failure. Because sometimes you just need to be your raw self so people can connect with the authentic you and lift you up. I also would like to highlight this idea of being vulnerable because oftentimes as grad students we can feel scared to be vulnerable. We think that the issues we are facing only impact us and that everyone is doing just fine. If you are willing to be vulnerable and open the door to others and say “Hey I struggle with X Y Z” you will realize more often than not that allows someone else the opportunity to also acknowledge they may be struggling in the same way or even in a different way, but now you can bond over a shared experience. We are stronger together when we build each other up, use our experiences, our privileges (whichever ones we have), to band together to make grad school, academia, and the world a better place. Yes, you will do all the legwork and hard work from the start to end of grad school to get the actual degree, BUT remember every firework needs to be lit up before it shares its radiance to the world. And sometimes even the people who on the outside seem to be the MOST SUCCESSFUL had their radiance lit by the awesome community around and behind them! With that my friends, You ARE LOVED! You are WORTHY! YOU HAVE COMMUNITY, OWN IT! Love, Lorena Comments are closed.
|
AuthorDr. Lorena Aceves unapologetically telling you the real deal about being brown in an academic world, but deciding she is going to be her authentic self and make her wildest dreams come true en esta vida! Archives
November 2022
Categories |