Boundaries? Limites? Is that even a word that exists among Mexican, Hispanic, or other families? It is a question that I often ponder and it puzzles me a lot. Today we are going to cover a topic that no one teaches us about because I want you to be aware of behaviors or practices that may not be serving you. So you can achieve your most amazing dreams and can hit all those goals you have set for yourself! Let’s dive in. Boundaries. Limites. This little word that I had actually not heard or even started implementing until recently. As a daughter of Mexican immigrants, limites are non-existent. You work hard and you take people’s crap because that is what is expected of you. You must be “una persona descente” (a decent person) or “respetuoso” (respectful). And often these ideals come at what cost… the cost of our own mental health. And who is that serving, definitely not you and in turn it creates unhealthy cycles that will keep getting worse over time and even bleed into your professional life and decrease your quality of life. Let me tell you a little story… Once upon a time… there was a young vibrant Latina who went off to graduate school. She was full of dreams and aspirations to change the world. But what she didn’t understand was that in order to live out those dreams, she had to set her boundaries and be aware of certain things to protect her time and energy. This Latina allowed faculty and people with authority to overwork her and step all over her. She also allowed these same individuals to blur the lines between professional and personal life. What she didn’t know then was that she wasn’t even conscious she allowed this in her life because growing up in her Latinx family, having no boundaries, letting people walk all over you is “okay”. This is the “norm”. You must do everything everyone else wants of you (especially if you are a female). Otherwise you don't love your family or are full of yourself. Eres una mal educada ( you are not respectful). The voice in head would say these things as I kept engaging in these unhealthy behaviors, even though something didn't feel right about it. Well, this Latina goes through a heck of a lot in her graduate program and somehow successfully beats the odds and graduates with her PhD. She starts her first professional position and is ready to deal with the same bullshit because that’s all she has been used to her entire life, it was the norm for her. BUT quickly, she learns that the treatment she received in graduate school and these people pleasing ideals she had adopted and enacted her entire life were A COMPLETE LIE. She was working at an organization where her opinion mattered and she was allowed to say no or disagree with others, and people still liked her as a colleague. WOW… what a concept that appreciation is not simply based on producing or what you can provide to someone else….. A non-conditional workplace and colleagues! These experiences shook this Latina’s world and drove her back to therapy to explore the “real” meaning behind her anxiety. This Latina… found herself a Latina therapist and started unpacking these wild and foriegn concepts. The first deja-vu moment this Latina had was when she realized that a lot of her anxiety came from feeling like she had to be “on” all the time and work herself to the ground. The therapist helped her see that she had adopted this mentality because for her immigrant parents “working hard” was the norm because of their circumstances, but that those circumstances didn’t belong to her. She was allowed to breathe and relax even if the goals weren't fully achieved yet. This blew her mind! Because the therapist helped her unpack how this mentality may have served her family and even her back in the day, but doesn’t mean that it is serving her now. This was just the beginning… This Latina quickly learned that she was more productive and did better work when she took time off to take vacations and used the evenings and weekends to recharge and do things she loves. She also learned that her career does not equal her. She has value with or without her career. This shift in mentality bought her so much freedom. And the changes kept coming and coming… This Latina is slowly healing and understands that rest is just as important as work, if not more important. And that she is valuable not because of her career or degrees, because her life has values beyond any of that. This Latina, my friends, was me. I have recently experienced all of this and all of this transformation in my life. Boundaries are so important for your own well-being and for your success. I am going to provide you with tangible ways you can examine the boundaries you hold and how to work on holding your boundaries… so you can reach your dreams and be the best version of yourself.
I hope this was useful to you and that you hold those limites and be your best self! En paz y amor, Lorena
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AuthorDr. Lorena Aceves unapologetically telling you the real deal about being brown in an academic world, but deciding she is going to be her authentic self and make her wildest dreams come true en esta vida! Archives
November 2022
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