I think we all have been in a place in our lives where we feel so overwhelmed and alone. There just seems to be too much going in our lives and if we try to take a step forward it either doesn’t work or we are just paralyzed. These circumstances can include grad school being a shxt show, your personal life is shambles, something is happening in your family, or all of the above. I see you and feel you. I have walked through so many overwhelming situations and one thing I can tell you is that as dire as it all seemed in the moment I was experiencing it, it all ended up okay. I know this isn’t very encouraging especially as you walk through this season of your life; but someone once told me that the easiest way to overcome a tough season of your life is literally to go plow right through it. Sometimes we get too caught up in anxiety, stress, or depression to recognize that this season of life may simply feel uncomfortable because you have never experienced anything like it in your life before! So of course it is going to be very normal and warranted that you feel all those uncomfortable and unnerving things (because this situation is NEW). Give yourself grace and love! This is one thing I have learned in my own journey is that we must feel loved and safe in ourselves and not seek it from others or things external to us. Because only we have the power to ensure that we feel safe and loved and other people in our lives are simply a reflection of what we cultivate within ourselves. Okay story time! I remember I was in my second year of grad school. I got a cold as I usually do once a year. I continued going to class and working through my cold as I always did with the expectation I have had most of life, which was that I would get over it in 3-5 days. Well, guess what, before I knew it I was on day 10 of that cold. Holy F***! And I did not feel any better. I felt so crappy and felt like it was honestly getting worse. In my desperation, I went to the doctor, a place I would only really visit once a year. Of course the doctor was concerned since I was on day 10 of this gunk without improvement and he ran some labs. The labs all came back normal for the most part other than the presence of a potential infection so I was put on antibiotics for a week. He said that I should start to feel better in the next 3-5 days. Of course those 5 days went by and I saw some improvement, but still felt like shXt. I remember sitting, alone, at my friends house just BALLING, crying because I was so over it. I was done. It has been over 3 weeks and I am still dealing with this. I go back to the doctor and he re-runs labs and he tells me “Honey, labs are great, you must just be very very stressed. You are a grad student so that could be part of why this is longer than you expected. Maybe consider therapy or group therapy with the folks upstairs.” Up until that point in my life, I had been able to have a good handle on things so this ALL SHOCKED ME. It was the first time my academic life was so stressful that my body responded with stress and anxiety that caused a simple cold to manifest into something bigger. My body was literally yelling at me to slow down. Reflecting back on this period of my life with the wisdom I have now, I realize before then I had never been in graduate school. I have never been so far away from my family. I have never worked that hard on my academics and for my graduate assistantship. I had never helped collect data while also maintaining my course work. OF COURSE I WAS GOING TO BE FEELING ALL THESE THINGS! So I ask you, is the thing that is throwing your mental or physical health through the hoops… something you experienced before? If not, GIVE YOURSELF GRACE. Give YOURSELF LOVE. And understand that you will get through it and it will be okay. For me, that cold did go away and life returned back to normal BUT now I had to learn to diminish the fear and anxiety around reliving that moment once again. So now, let’s dive into what to do when it is a circumstance that you have encountered and you are hit with these feelings once again. So the reality is we are humans and even if we have experienced something in the past it can still be overwhelming and paralyzing. I am going to tell you yet another story because it is the easiest way for me to explain the point I am trying to make. As many of you know, my parents were undocumented for most of my life until I turned 26. I grew up knowing and understanding that my family could be split up at any moment just because of the unfair systems and policies that split mixed status families. I understood that it was unfair but I learned to carry that with me and make peace with it throughout my childhood, adolescence, and parts of my young adult life. Even though I was used to this reality for pretty much most of my life, when it was time for my parents to apply for their green cards and when my dad had to have an interview to determine the decision around his green card… I was paralyzed with anxiety. I remember not being able to focus on my research or anything going on in my academic life. I remember balling in therapy about how unfair it is that I have to prove that my family would go through distress if my dad was not allowed to stay in the country. This feeling took over my body even though I had known it most of my life. And that is the reality my friends, even when you are so aware and familiar with something, it can still take over. The difference now is that you hopefully have healthy tools to cope with it. At this point, I was in therapy which was such an amazing space for me to work through some of these feelings associated with this experience. I also was a regular meditator so I had that tool to also ground me in the present moment and to remember to not get ahead of myself. Because half the time, anxiety is just a fear of the future, WHICH we have NO control over. So I used my tools to get me through and everything was okay. And even if it was not, I knew what I could do to make sure I was okay. Now that I have shared some personal experiences with you all, I also want to leave you with some takeaways about how you can navigate those seasons of life that may just be very overwhelming whether they are new or a repeated feeling. Talk to your loved ones or a therapist. I think one of the most powerful tools that we forget in these overwhelming moments is speaking out loud about what is going on in our lives. Whether this is with your therapist, your best friend, your parents, your partner, who it may be… speak whatever is overwhelming you out loud. I recommend that you ask whoever you go to if they have the mental space to hear you out and if they say that they do, express what you need to say. Don’t hold back. I would do this over a call or video call or a voice message and not a text message. There is something very powerful and freeing about saying our fears and anxieties out loud. And if you do not know if you have anyone in your life you can do this with, please feel free to reach out to me. I know a whole community of people and scholars that I am sure you can connect with! Do something that grounds you in the present moment. This recommendation comes straight from my Latina therapist who is AMAZING! When you are overwhelmed, stop yourself. You do not need to have a solution at this very moment. Ground yourself! Some of you may ask what does that even mean, to ground myself?! It literally means to put yourself back in the present moment instead of the depths of your mind. This can be as simple as asking yourself what do I see in front of me, what do I feel, what do I smell, what do I hear, to come back to the very moment you are in. This can also include taking 10-20 deep breaths to come back to your body. It could also be putting on your favorite song and dancing to it. Or even going outside and taking in the sun and fresh air for 5-10 minutes. Do anything that brings you back to your body and to what you are doing at that very moment. Be grateful. And not take away from what is going on in your life, but sometimes it is so easy to forget how amazing MOST things in our life actually are. Remind yourself of the good things in your life if they are true for you… it can be as simple as being alive, having a roof over your head, having something to eat, for your friends, family, your job, your career, anything that you love with your whole heart that you are SUPER GRATEFUL for. I find this always makes me smile and makes the circumstances more bearable because there is always something to be grateful for. Be honest with yourself and step into your authentic self. When you are overwhelmed, be honest with yourself. Why is it? Are you scared of the future? Are you fearful of failure? Tell yourself why you feel overwhelmed. Understanding the deeper source of the overwhelm is very informative. I can tell you though that this is not an easy task. You can even ask a trusted person to be real with you and tell you from their perspective why you may be feeling the way that you are. This reality check proves to be useful, only when you are ready for it. Go for the remedies. Sometimes the overwhelm or life in general can be A LOT. Go for the remedies. I personally have never been on medication for anxiety or depression, but I personally know friends who have or are and they benefit from it. I usually go for natural stuff like teas, vitamins, and reiki. Whatever works for you, reach for it. Sometimes we all need a little extra to get through the challenging times. Be playful. Even when life gets hard, remember to be playful. Dance, sing, color, paint! Do whatever makes your heart sing. I know I like to sing at the top of my lungs when I feel anxious and it helps me feel so much better. I am a BIG Los Bukis fan, so you hear me belting out the romanticas as if someone broke my heart hahaha but it is so soothing and relieving to do so. I also like to have random dance parties to cumbias in the kitchen and just a short dance session makes me so alive. So whatever that playful thing is for you, also do it! Remember you are here for a reason. I always want you to remember how valuable you are. How loved you are. You are here on this earth for such an important purpose. And if you don’t know what it is, that’s okay. Don’t you ever forget how beautiful of a human being you are. Another way to cultivate these good feelings on your own is by writing yourself a love letter or journaling about your ideal self. Putting the pen to the paper to remind yourself how amazing you are is such a powerful practice. And if no one tells you, I want you to know how amazing you are and that I am glad you are around. You make this place we call earth a better place. And with that my friends, los dejo! Los amo (I love you). Go out there and take space. Do what makes you happy. And most importantly please know how valuable and how loved you are. You are EXTRAORDINARY! KEEP GOING! I believe in you. Lorena |
AuthorDr. Lorena Aceves unapologetically telling you the real deal about being brown in an academic world, but deciding she is going to be her authentic self and make her wildest dreams come true en esta vida! Archives
November 2022
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