Today, I was sitting in my inclusive leadership training at work and it struck me as the speaker was talking about being a perfectionist… like wow this “label” impacts so many grad students, especially students of color. Let’s break down this “perfectionist” label because it will relieve you of so much stress and anxiety that you deserve to be free of; and let’s be real right now is a time we can all use to break from unnecessary worries and stress. Let’s dive in: what does it even mean to be a perfectionist? The speaker described being a perfectionist: if others call you a perfectionist, if you get sick when you go on vacation or take a break (or you only take breaks when you are sick), your old job had to hire 4 people to replace you, your self-worth is tied to what you produce, a need to prove yourself to others, and among other checkboxes that you could tick off to indicate you may be a perfectionist. Essentially, being a perfectionist means you are constantly taking on too much work, carrying more than you can handle (literally and emotionally), and feeling like you can never catch a break because you feel like you always have something to do so you can prove yourself to the world. First: STOP IT! It is not sustainable for you to always be working non-stop to prove something you honestly may not even be able to prove. The reality is that the more you keep taking on the more world will keep giving you to take on. CREATE BOUNDARIES. To let go of the perfectionist you have to ask yourself “what do I value, what matters to me, what actually needs to be done right now?” I can admit in undergrad I was probably more of a perfectionist, but in graduate school I quickly realized that if I kept up with my perfectionist it would literally kill me. We all feel we have to live up to unsaid expectations of publishing a lot, having to create novel and ground breaking research, and always proving to the world that we deserve those PhD letters behind our name, especially if your skin color is not white. Let go of this perfectionist. The only person you have anything to prove anything to is yourself. No one is making you or forcing you to meet any “expectations”. It is up to you to decide what expectations you want to set and meet. Yes, I understand we all feel that we want must meet our adviser’s "expectations", but let’s make this clear, your adviser is not living your life or will be the one taking on whatever job you take post grad school. It is your advisor's job to adapt to your needs and guide you in how to reach the expectations and goals you have set for yourself. I think this is a tough thing to do, but it is important for you to find yourself, your own goals, and expectations because no one is living in your shoes except for yourself; but it is also important for your adviser to support these personalized goals and expectations and if they don’t know how to then challenge them to learn with you. But I feel you… being a scholar of color leads us to being perfectionists even more because academia tries to tell us that we can’t be there and shouldn't be there. REALITY CHECK… you already are there so that means your voice matters and your presence there was solicited so use that! Do not let the perfectionist in you tell you have to constantly work yourself into the ground to own that space. You can own your space and make an impact in your programs by just being authentically yourself. I know I have made an impact on my fellow students of color by owning my identity and the space I was given in the program. And I can tell you that I was able to do this without working 24/7 (I took every Saturday off and sometimes full weekends off during grad school) or living up to the unsaid expectations instigated in academia (I am in love and HAPPY with my non-academic position). So snap out of it! Especially right now during a pandemic. Everything you need to do and accomplish can get done, BUT it doesn’t need to be done perfectly, it just has to be done! We are all human beings, which makes us adaptable and plastic ..meaning we can always learn and grow! So just do things as best as you can with whatever energy or motivation you have on any given day (because yes this is going to fluctuate EVERY DAY so don’t expect to always perform at 100%). Give yourself love and grace, and ditch the perfectionist and instead work on being authentically you!! With that being said: DITCH the perfection! BE your authentic self! LOVE yourself! Give yourself GRACE! With much love, Lorena |
AuthorDr. Lorena Aceves unapologetically telling you the real deal about being brown in an academic world, but deciding she is going to be her authentic self and make her wildest dreams come true en esta vida! Archives
November 2022
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