This blog post is a letter to little Lorena starting her first year in graduate school and to all those students who are starting that exciting and scary journey of getting your PhD. Esta carta es para ti. I hope you hear it, feel it, and become the most amazing version of yourself as you also get your PhD. And that you learn from the things I wish I had known 6 years ago when I started my journey. Querid@/x first year, I hope you know how proud of you I am. You are doing something so amazing and also super challenging. I applaud you for making it this far. Eres amazing! I know tus papas don’t say this often and it is hard to process how proud you should be, but enjoy the joy that comes with having the privilege of being able to pursue your PhD. Not everyone can do what you are doing and that is something to be super proud of. Be happy and do not be afraid to share that happiness with the world. You never know who is watching, who you may inspire. When you move to your new location and meet the people that will become your peers, you will feel lonely and isolated. And that’s okay. Those feelings are natural and normal when you start any new journey. Just don’t take it personally, there is nothing wrong with you. You just need time to process all the EMOTIONS, all the CHANGES, and the NEWNESS of your new chapter of life. Remember you have the power to change that loneliness and isolation, into community and connectedness. Take your time in finding these, but also don’t wait too long! Remember that not everyone is looking for community and friendship and again that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. You KEEP looking for those folks that will become your FAMILIA in this journey you call graduate school. Trust me they are around. Sometimes you just have to look a little harder to find them and sometimes you have to ask to hangout and connect more than once. That’s okay, remember you are feeling nervous about making new friends, some people are even more nervous and scared than you are. Trust me you will know the difference between someone who is uninterested versus someone who just needs time to warm up to you. Put yourself out there. When you start your academic work, you will feel like a complete fraud. You will feel out of place. You will feel like WHAT I AM DOING HERE?!! But I need you to believe and believe in your soul that you need to be there. You were selected and you have a purpose to be there. If you believe in God or the Universe, know that life has a bigger meaning for your place in that space. Although, you will have to work harder to process through these feelings and thoughts due to systemic barriers, but I know you can! You can’t give up! And when you feel like giving up you remind yourself why you wanted to do this PhD in the first place. Remember those crazy and AMAZING dreams you have with your PhD. You can do this. Acknowledge all these feelings, lean on your community, and press on, you amazing human. When you make all those plans about your research, career, and life, just know that life will throw you curveballs. I know this one was hard for you because you like abiding by a clear plan to success. I need you to know that often life shifts how things unfold and even though you will not believe it at that moment, I want you to trust that it will work out. It always works out, even if you feel like your life is falling apart. I need you to trust in yourself and just keep moving forward. You know that song from Frozen 2, the Next Right Thing, just like that song you need to feel what you need to feel, “but you must go on and do the next right thing”. And sometimes you may not know what the next right thing is, but I need you to keep your head up and keep moving forward. Don’t look back, unless it is to see what you needed to learn from the challenges. I also need you to know that some things will turn 100x better than you could have ever imagined. And when that happens I need you to celebrate and fully embrace those moments of joy and phases where everything seems to be jamming so smoothly. These times and experiences are the ones that power you through the hard. Trust me there are so many moments of joy you will experience in your academic and professional life, and grad school will try to steal that joy from you BUT DO NOT LET IT. You deserve all those great things! Don’t you ever forget that. When you start interacting more and more with your adviser, faculty, peers, and others in your life you will learn that you may not know everything about boundaries, especially as someone from a Latinx family. I learned this the hard way, you should not be agreeing to EVERY opportunity that presents itself to you. You have a voice and are allowed to say YES and NO to things you want or do not want to pursue. You are allowed to dictate your work hours, how you spend your time, and how much of your time is dedicated to graduate school. Do not allow anyone to let you believe that you need to work 60-80 hours a week to be successful. Your success will not be like anyone else’s so you make it what you want it to be. Do not allow advisers to tell you what has value and what does not. That is up to you based on your goals, who you are as a person, and honestly just based on what makes sense to you and makes you happy. People will always criticize you when you push back or say no, just accept that now. Do what you need to do to protect your energy and well-being, even if those no’s are to your family and friends. You are in such an interesting part of your life and you will know when and what needs to take priority. I need you to always trust yourself on that. Only you know best. When you feel out of whack not like yourself, I need you to reflect on why this may be. I often felt physically sick in graduate school and often blamed this on stress. Which yes stress was a correct answer, but stress from investing time and energy and things that were not aligned with me. I need you to learn to be more in tune with yourself to take care of yourself because no one else will. Make time for yourself and for your well-being. Go to therapy, find a support group, travel, fall in love, have babies, spend time with family, have hobbies, do everything and anything that is part of who you are. Do not let anyone tell you there isn't room for that. And yes people and just the environment, will push you to suppress parts of yourself, but I ask you that you do not because once this is all over you will realize how out of sorts you were and I do not want you to have to come to this sad realization. I want you to always be your authentic self regardless of how hard it may be at times because I can assure you life and getting that PhD will be 100x easier when you are you. Finally, I know you will make it. You will have the moments when you are ready to aventar todo a la basura, but you will finish. Just know that sometimes the finish looks different than you envisioned it, but know that you will make it. And as long as you make it does not matter how or what happened before you got there. You deserve that PhD. You earned it. You are a fucking chingon@/x. I am so proud of you. And when you finally have those letters behind your name don’t forget about all those that came before you and those coming after you. Connect with them because if we join forces, together we will make this world a better place for us. And once you move onto your big adult job, know that some of these lessons still apply and you will be a stronger and wiser version of yourself and you will know how far you come and that your wildest dreams are only a few steps away from you. I need you to keep shooting for them because the world needs you. Eres espectacular, nunca lo olvides. En poder, Tu (You) six years later Comments are closed.
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AuthorDr. Lorena Aceves unapologetically telling you the real deal about being brown in an academic world, but deciding she is going to be her authentic self and make her wildest dreams come true en esta vida! Archives
November 2022
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