Yo soy Latinx, Latina. I am brown y orgullosa. To be honest, until recently I didn’t think much of Hispanic Heritage Month. I honestly didn’t even know that there was a whole month dedicated to celebrating our heritage. Thanks to social media and my presence on social media this has changed. I think Hispanic Heritage Month is more than just celebrating our heritage and all the amazing things our people have accomplished; it is also a wonderful opportunity to reflect on the beauty and impact that our Latindad has in our day to day lives. Today, I wanted to share with you how I grew into my loud and proud Latina self. For me, being Latina wasn’t something that I actively thought about until college. Growing up, I was used to just being Mexican and speaking Spanish. For instance, in high school, most of my friends were White. I don’t think we ever talked about cultural differences or the fact that the world could view me differently because of my brownness. My friends loved and accepted my crazy Mexican self and would hang out with my Mexican family, but we never questioned our differences or acknowledged that these differences were real. At this point in my life, it was the basic things that brought us together such as spending 8 hours a day together, sports, shared hobbies and interests, I mean like any other high school kid. It wasn’t until I started applying to college that I realized that being brown actually meant something more than I have ever imagined. Every application asked me to check whether or not I identified as Hispanic/Latino. I knew that I belonged in this category but didn’t know there was a whole world of structures and institutions that used this simple check box to make decisions not only about who gets into college, but also federal policies. In this instance I slowly started to learn that being Mexican in this world meant way much more than just being Mexican. It actually carried a ton of weight not only for colleges, but also for how I would interact with the world beyond the safe space of my family’s home. After applying to many colleges, I decided not to go too far home, I went to the University of Arizona. This venture took me 120 miles south from home. I remember walking onto campus and yes I saw the usual lot of White students that I was used to seeing all the time, but what really twinkled in my eye was the number of students that looked like me. It was the first time that half the people I walked by on campus and sat by in the large lecture halls were brown like me. I often heard students speaking Spanish, and quickly I started picking up Spanglish, something I had only heard in movies and never actually engaged in because I really didn’t have people to share this awesome magic mash of English and Spanish. It was like a whole new world was literally opening for me at the University of Arizona. This new reality was so enlightening and even changed how I engaged with others. I could now share my first language and culture, without having to explain every detail. It was natural y we understood todo lo que we eat and why our padres are so overprotective and need to know where we are at a todas horas. This felt perfect and like a breath of fresh air. I really started to enjoy this new found world. It was in my second year of college that being Mexican, Latina actually gained an even deeper meaning para mi. I came to know Sigma Lambda Gamma (SLG), a Latina sorority. I came across SLG because my friend and now sister Brittany would always walk into our Family Studies classes loud and proud in her SLG gear. She would always share the amazing and fun times she would have with her sorority sisters. In getting to know her, she also talked me into joining SLG. I remember walking into my first event with SLG and seeing that it was a room full of other Latinas. I heard them talking about their weekends with their families and, something about just overhearing them, felt like home. Sure enough after that event, I wanted to join the sorority. Being around like minded Latina women felt comfortable, felt serene, and most importantly felt real for once. I went through the pledging process and got to know my now Line Sister on such a deep level. She and I became inseparable. The most important thing about sharing this pledging process with her was realizing that even though we had never crossed paths before, our lives were more similar than we could ever imagine. Two Latinas living very similar realities without even realizing it. We both shared the reality of our parents living undocumented in the United States. The burden and beauty of carrying that reality with us every waking hour. We were privileged to walk and live in the glorious ivory halls of college life, while our parents were fighting to make an honest living every day, risking their safety. Through this experience, I finally realized the weight of importance that being Mexican, being Latina, has had on my life. And for once I could share this weight with someone who was also carrying this very same weight. Being Latina, Being Mexican, is more than just the color of my skin or the food that I eat with my family; it also includes the harsh realities that many of us experience navigating the Whiteness that constantly invades this country. It involves carrying this heavy weight of undocumented family members from a young age; always having to prove your worth because they treat our beautiful brown skin, like cheap dirt; walking around with a passport in your backpack in case someone were to pull you over and ask you to prove your citizenship. Sometimes this is forgotten in the beauty and fun of Hispanic Heritage Month. Let’s remember the beauty of these struggles that are integral to who we are as individuals and as people. I became more interested and invested in learning and somehow using my career to support the experiences of Latinx individuals. This led me to developing an interest in conducting research on Latinx adolescents. I honestly didn’t know I could build a whole program of research on understanding the very mere experiences I lived growing up and use it to inform policies and programs in the United States. This is the empire I have started to build since college. After I joined SLG, I became confident. I became grounded in my Latina identity and I took off from there. I became a leader in many organizations across campus and showed up at the strong Latina I am. I made the decision to pursue a PhD where I would focus on understanding how our culture, our family experiences, and our own individual experiences all contribute to our academic achievement. I was very fascinated to learn about the unique experiences of being Latinx in the U.S. education system. And that’s exactly what I did. This empowered Latina started pursuing research opportunities in her department and was afforded the opportunity to dive deeper into research through the UROC program at the University of Arizona. From there, I applied to 10 PhD programs. In my applications, I made it clear that this mujer was a Mexican scholar, a Latina ready to take on the world and change it through research that empowers her Latinx community. Sure enough, I took off to Penn State where I spent 5 years researching Latinx communities, but the crazy part was the more impactful research study that I conducted, was on myself. Being Latina in central Pennsylvania, was much more different than being a Mexicana in Arizona. I learned so much about myself and learned to value my Latindad to such a deeper level and even learned that you can’t just find good tortillas anywhere in the United States (which btw is a SHAME haha). I learned about the beauty and diversity in our Hispanic communities. I had the honor of becoming friends with individuals who were Latinx, but not Mexican. It expanded my horizons and my appreciation for our roots. I got to work with families who were Puerto Rican and Dominican; and learned about their stories through our research work. What they didn’t know was that I was so honored and grateful to spend those hours with them hearing how they spend their day to day lives. There is so much love, richness, and gold in hearing all the simple, yet amazing things our people do. If you do this kind of research, take time and really appreciate it! Thankfully your girl finished her PhD and became part of the 8% of Latinxs with PhDs (according to NSF) in the United States. What an honor to be able to represent my people in this special space. Now it’s time to go change the world with this degree, but also not allow the world of PhDs to tell me what I can and cannot do with my degree. I want to use my research, my voice, to change the very spaces that oppress Latinx communities, particularly in education. I am diving into the non-academic world of PhDs to use research to shape policies and practices that shape the day to day experiences of our Latinx communities. Even if it is in the smallest way possible, I want to use this gift of being able to effectively connect research to policy that I have been given to push changes out there in our systems, government, and the very neighborhoods we all live in. Let’s do the damn thing! Together podemos! I share my story about how I came into my Latina identity because some of us don't connect with it until we are adults. For some of us, it doesn’t make sense until it does. Also to allow you to think back and reflect on your own experiences of growing into your Latinx self. There is so much beauty and power in each of our stories. You don’t have to have invented something or have a groundbreaking discovery to be considered a face of Hispanic Heritage Month. Look at my story, I am just an ordinary person like you all. All of our stories have value and are part of the beautiful fabric that represents the Latinx people in the United States. Take some time in the next few weeks to honor your story, your families’ stories, your friends' stories, anyone you want to learn about and see the beauty of our people in those that surround you everyday. Happy Hispanic Heritage Month my fellow Latinx scholars, let's keep empowering each other not only in this month but year round! 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AuthorDr. Lorena Aceves unapologetically telling you the real deal about being brown in an academic world, but deciding she is going to be her authentic self and make her wildest dreams come true en esta vida! Archives
November 2022
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